This Week (March 29 to April 3)

Monday – our third oldest's birthday celebrated by some family and friends with spicy seafood and raspberry sorbet topped with coconut meringue.

Tuesday – 8.00 am at a Chemotherapy Education class at the Sydney Cancer Centre – 10.30 am meeting with our accountant Andrew to discuss our financial affairs and actions to take – 12.00 noon lunch with our neighbours Joy and Graeme at Bellevue House down on the harbour at Glebe Point.

Wednesday – Pam and Allan coming to breakfast and my going to an annual dinner at Selah’s Restaurant in the city where I gather with Louise, Cameron, Graham and Marcus – we were on a taskforce together for many years for the Analysing Financial Statements subject that I wrote for the old Securities Institute (and is now offered as a short course by Kaplan Professional).

Thursday – lunch at Katharine and Phil’s at their lovely Glebe Point home.

Friday – Will taking me to Concord Hospital for the port-o-cath to be inserted.

Saturday – visiting close friends in Bathurst.

Sunday – friends dropping in at different times during the afternoon.

Prayers

People have arranged for churches and groups in Australia and America to pray for me – thank you.

John Tully, who was minister of Glebe Uniting Church in the second half of the 1970s told me by phone: ‘David, we will pray that the chemotherapy bad effects will be minimised and the good effects maximised’.

John Connor who was minister at Petersham Baptist Church for thirteen years to 1989 and his wife Joy sent two prayers from Iona, a reflective, Celtic influenced Christian commune in the United Kingdom www.iona.org.uk:

Spirit of the living God, present with us now,
Enter your body, mind and spirit,
And heal you of all that harms you,
In Jesus name.
Amen.

Lord Christ,
You are the still centre of every storm.
In you is calm
    Whatever the wind outside.
In you is reassurance,
    However high the waves.
In you is strength,
    However contrary the tide.

Keeping Perspective

One of the things helping me is reflecting on my situation in the context of others’ stories and situations in the world.  Among you I have friends that are or have dealt with situations like:

• A friend has a child with muscular dystrophy who is now in his early twenties, which is a relatively long life for people suffering this debilitating disease.  About five times each night he calls for assistance needing to be physically turned to be made comfortable in his bed.  As you can imagine there are many other issues to deal with.  My friend is married, has two other children, works for a living and is always realistic, positive and looking for the best in life for herself and her family.
• A friend had an older sister who committed suicide in middle age.  My friend’s mother did not like funerals and would not agree to a funeral service for my friend’s father or sister.  After he mother died recently, this friend arranged for a beautiful funeral for her Mum that included remembering her father and sister.
• Friends had a son who suffered from disabilities that were exacerbated when he smoked pot.  This led him to suicide as a young man in his early twenties.
• A friend who lost her mother to cancer of the womb when she was ten years old.

I know there are many other difficult stories among my readers.

And we just need to think of our world in 2011:

• Among worldwide tragedies, those killed in the Queensland floods, the Christchurch and Japanese earthquakes.  Indeed it is amazing that comparatively few people died in these events due to the responses of government, the countries’ building codes and the Japanese effective early warning system.
• In the Middle East – governments shooting their own people simply because those people are demonstrating for a fairer system.  In these countries, wealth is often obscenely concentrated with very few of the total population while most people work for relatively small wages that make it hard to provide for their family and live a fulfilling life.  These countries are often comparatively rich but the richness is not spread through the populations fairly.

I am in the situation where I have an unknown amount of time to continue living my life, spend time with my family and friends, make choices and live as normally as I can.

DHC Update 1

This was the email I sent in response to all the emails and phone calls I received after sending my initial letter.

Dear family and friends

On Monday (29 March) my oncologist, Dr Lisa Horvath, phoned to advise that my blood samples taken on Friday showed that my liver was not working as well as they would like.  So, the South Australia holiday has been cancelled and my first chemotherapy treatment is on Monday 4 April with the second one on Monday 18 April.

Since I sent out my email and letter I have received dozens of emails, some phone calls and some letters.  I have been blessed by what you have told me about how you think of me and what I mean to you.  My mind and heart are filled with all these thoughts which I know will help me as I begin my treatment.  From Christian and other faith perspectives and humanist approaches you have told me that you are praying for me, praying for a miracle, encouraging me to think positively – thank you for your love, care and action.  You have said you would do anything you could to help.  I can assure you that sending me your messages, telling me you love me and interceding for me has provided enormous practical help.

This Tuesday morning (Australian time) around 7.00 to 8.00 am I had a strong sense of well-being, of being cared for and prayed for.  I do not know how rational this thinking was but it felt good.

I am considering setting up a blog as suggested by some of you.  I will let you know what I decide.  It does have the advantage that people can choose to look when they want rather than receive emails from time to time.

Regards

David

Initial Letter

Dear family and friends

The Finiteness of Life

I am writing this letter to let you know about my situation and how we are coping with it.  Some of you, Barbara or I have already rung to let you know.  It is a difficult situation but I feel it is better to let people know.

Over the last four weeks I have seen a general practitioner, a gastroenterologist and now a cancer specialist.  In this journey I have had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and CT scan.  On Thursday I had a final consultation with the gastroenterologist and on Friday a first consultation with the cancer specialist.  These consultations confirmed that I have bowel cancer that has spread to the lymph glands and particularly to the liver, which means the cancer is inoperable.  All the doctors and services received so far have been excellent.

My cancer specialist is Dr Lisa Horvath, at the Cancer Centre, Gloucester House, Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (15 minute walk from home).  Lisa advised me not to think of the situation as dealing with the end of my life but rather as managing a chronic illness.  In short, if I chose not to receive any treatment, I would have about six months to live.  I have chosen to receive chemotherapy treatment that is likely to give me two to five years.  The first four to six month of treatment is the most intensive aimed at reducing the cancers – the probabilities are: 40% reduction; 20-25% remains about the same; and 30-35% cancer continues to grow.  The situation will be monitored and all being well, I then move on to a ‘maintenance’ level of chemo to keep things in check.

Dr Lisa is encouraging me to live as normally as possible.  So, Barbara and I are travelling to South Australia from 2 to 10 April visiting with relatives and friends, including seeing my brother Michael at Wilpena Pound in the Flinders Ranges before the chemotherapy begins.

I feel wonderfully supported by Barbara, children, brother and wider family and friends with whom I have already spoken by phone.  I am aiming to live as normally as possible and continue working in a semi-retired manner, visit with family and friends, travel and celebrate milestones along the way.

I want to be in touch with people and hope you will stay in touch.

Yours faithfully

David Hey-Cunningham

Blog Name

I received so many emails in response to my emailed letter and first update that I opened a separate folder to store these emails, calling it ‘DHC Cancer’ – my black humour showing!  A day or two later, reflecting on the love, concern and encouragement offered in the emails, I changed my folder name to ‘DHC Hope’.  This lead me to name the blog ‘DHC Hope’.

Blog Approach

A number of you have expressed an interest in my keeping you informed and some suggested writing a blog as a way to do this.  One of you suggested I write a journal to record my reflections for posterity.  I had thought of writing a blog.  And so this blog journey begins.

You are welcome to share this journey with me.  You can simply look at the blog from time to time as you feel like.  Or, you can email me to be included in a ‘blog’ group so that you are emailed each time I make a blog entry.

You are welcome to make comments on the blog by following the prompts provided.  You are welcome to send your comments by email.  I expect there will be more messages than I will feel able to respond to.  Sometimes a blog entry might respond to a common thread.  Whether or not I respond, be assured that your support and good wishes are greatly appreciated.

On the blog I will aim to be honest, considered and open in my entries.  Sometimes they might be serious-minded, sometimes cheeky or flippant and sometimes might reflect difficulties I am facing.