11 August 2016

Finding a Path

A Night and A Day

One recent Tuesday night I noticed that my colostomy bag was failing.  Reluctantly I left the warm lounge room and went upstairs to my bedroom.  I started undressing and began sobbing uncontrollably.  I reached the bathroom and tried to remove the colostomy bag with as little mess as possible.  By the time I was in the shower it was hard to tell whether the shower water or tears were greater.  Barbara was asking what she could do to help.  It is too early for her to have to deal with my colostomy bag.  As my tears rolled over me, I realised that this was my lot with the likelihood of things getting worse; it was a night of lamentation!

Wednesday morning an envelope awaited me from Tristan, a young friend 35 years my junior.  There was a lovely card, letter that made me cry and a small booklet.  In the card, Tristan wrote ‘Dear David, thinking of you at this stage of life.  May you find peace and be constantly surrounded by the love of your friends, family and God.  Warmly, Tristan.’

His letter that brought hope after a bleak night (quoted with permission):
         ‘I have been thinking of you often of late, particularly after reading your last few blog posts.  I almost sent you a Facebook message offering some form of condolence but I held back because my intuition told me to wait a little.  Sure enough over the weekend, the waiting paid off.  While I was at a Christian Meditation event I discovered the book that is now included with this letter for you.  I’m glad that with this message I can also provide a gift of practicality!
         ‘It is a short booklet called, ‘Meditation and Dying’ and was written by a member of the World Community for Christian Meditation, the late, Anne McDonnell.  She was afflicted with a terminal form of cancer and wrote this book as a way to explain the experience, and to hopefully encourage others on the journey.  It was the last copy in the store, and immediately I knew I needed to get this for you.
         ‘If you manage to find the time and energy, I hope reading this book is useful for you.
         ‘It has been a pleasure knowing you David, albeit mostly through Facebook these last few years.  I’m glad we got to reconnect at Liz’s 60th birthday party last year.
         ‘I also have a small request to ask of you.  If there is an afterlife, and you see my father Gary….please give him a hug from me.  You can let him know that when it’s my turn to step through the pearly gates I’ll be having a few words with him for leaving so damn early!:)
         ‘Blessings to you David as you continue to be in my thoughts.’

Reading the ‘Meditation and Dying’ booklet the day after a tough night was the perfect antidote.  The message and reflections in the book resonated deeply with me.  I am so glad that tears of lamentation were followed by words of consolation and comfort.

Support of Family and Friends

This morning I became teary as I realised how vital Barbara’s care is.  I would be lost without her but know that my family would step in to provide needed support.  Indeed in looking at a path forward, I have realised that time with family must be a priority.  We have a family dinner once every two weeks but these are large gatherings full of the noise of young life.  So, Barbara and I are getting together once a fortnight separately with our daughter, her fiancé and our youngest son; our eldest son and his family; and our middle son and his family!

You, our wider family and friends have let me know by messages, phone calls and visits of your love and care.  Though you may not think this is much, I can assure you it is.

Enjoying coffee and tea with friends Sharynne and David.  Sharynne
offered to help me compile a book on my life so that my grandchild
can meet their Granddad.  I gladly accepted her offer.

Energy and Food

These days I struggle to write my DHC Hope Blog and The BezCan Project newsletters.  Many hours are spent watching television, particularly detective shows.  At present I am enjoying three American detective shows of the 1990s: Murder She Wrote; Diagnosis Murder; and Matlock – cannot explain why these three, often corny, shows hit the spot!

This Monday, Barbara, our youngest and I saw oncologists Drs Adrian and Kate.  One of the outcomes of this meeting is that Adrian and Kate will arrange for us to meet with the Palliative Care Unit from the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital.

In the two weeks between my visits, my weight dropped from 87.1 kg to 84.4 kgs, a typical sign of the cancer gaining a stronger hold.  So, we talked about helping me eat more.  I am feeling like eating the food of my childhood.  I am enjoying fruit juices and nectars.  We came up with the idea of adding caramel milkshakes to my diet.

With so little energy I find it hard to spend much time with my grandchildren.  I have fond memories of the one grandparent I knew – Granddad – who died in early 1958 when I was seven.  Sadly my brother, only five at that time, does not remember him.  This means it is unlikely that any of my grandchildren will remember me.  On Tuesday granddaughter L enjoyed a chocolate milkshake with sprinkles while I enjoyed caramel.  I will also have a milkshake with granddaughter E.  We are hoping that milkshakes with Granddad might create memories for E and L.

L and I enjoying our milkshakes!

Finding a Path

Over the last few weeks I think I have found parts of a path.  Your encouragement and love helps greatly.  Deep lamentation followed by words of consolation and comfort gave DHC Hope.  A simple idea like having a milkshake with each of my older grandchildren might create memories.


Today has been a comfortable and enjoyable day!

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