Slip Slidin’ Away

Paul Simon is one of my favourite singers and songwriters.  I am listening to his songs as I write this blog entry.  His song Slip Slidin’ Away captures my current situation.  I feel I am now in the last stage of my life.  This blog entry is the story of how I have come to this place over the last five weeks.

Two-Week Holiday

Tuesday 7 to Monday 20 June Barbara and I enjoyed a fortnight’s holiday.  We slept in six different towns; attended the unexpected funeral of my oldest second cousin; visited family and friends; and enjoyed lovely scenery and many delicious meals.

At Dangar Falls, Dorrigo, NSW

On our travels we visited the two towns where we spent our honeymoon forty years ago: Hanging Rock, near Nundle, near Tamworth and Sawtell just south of Coffs Harbour.  

At one of the dams in Hanging Rock

On the beach at Sawtell

Four days we were with our family at Wyndham Worldmark, Kirra Beach on the Gold Coast.

Barbara working on the jigsaw puzzle of a photo of our four
grandchildren given to her for Mothers' Day

Barbara with our two oldest granddaughters on the balcony of our
apartment at Kirra Beach

We returned to Sydney by midday on Monday 20 June because I had an afternoon appointment with Dr Kate Mahon, my oncologist.

We travelled over 2500 kilometres and I drove more than half the distance.  We saw the extensive work on the Pacific Highway stretching from south of Ballina to Port Macquarie.  All along this route a dual carriage roadway is being constructed.  It is the most serious Australian road building I have seen during my lifetime.  It is on my bucket list to view the progress while I can.

On Tuesday (21 June) I was so tired that I slept for a couple of hours in the morning and again in the afternoon.  On this trip I learned that I now easily become irritable and become too forceful in my conversation.  At times I need to say nothing and listen.

Increasing Difficulties

Today (Saturday 9 July) I am writing this blog entry with a twinge of pain in my liver.  Recent days have been with a continuously unsettled stomach.  The dull pain in the liver is easier to take.  I am taking medication to alleviate the stomach upset and two Panadol twice each day.  I now sleep 10 to 11 hours per night and usually sleep once during the day.

Thursday I made the decision to cancel my July 18 to August 6 trip to Uganda.  I realised that I could not cope comfortably enough with this planned eighth trip.  I do not expect to travel again to Uganda.  It is now beyond me.

Last Sunday we enjoyed our annual Christmas in July with our friends the McLeods.  It began at midday, however, I went to bed mid afternoon and slept for two hours.  When I awoke, the house was quiet with only Barbara and I here.  I now find that two hours with people is usually my limit.

The goofy photo from Christmas in July

Going With the Flow

‘Going with the flow’ has been a motto that Barbara and I have been following.  Over the last five years many months have been almost like before the cancer was diagnosed.  Other times have been coping with chemotherapy and other side effects.  This week I have realised that I have probably entered the final stage of my life.

I am finding it harder to go with the flow.  Paul Simon’s Slip Slidin’ Away song has been in my head – the title expresses my feeling about what is now happening in my life.

‘Going with flow’ is likely to become more and more about sleeping and managing pain.  If I am now in the final stage I want it to be quick and not drawn out.  One of my friends who suffered much pain over the last decade expressed the desire to live for many more years.  I feel the opposite – I do not want to live an extended life of pain.  Up until now, I have suffered little pain due to my cancer.

I hope to write a DHC Hope blog entry after our next meeting with my oncologist, Dr Kate.