Fifty Per Cent Reduction

Today Dr Lisa Horvath was effusive and confident when she told Barbara and I what Monday’s CT scan shows.  Over the nine chemotherapy rounds to date, the new cancers in the liver have reduced by almost 50 per cent.  There is even some reduction in the original liver cancers.  The two bowel tumours remain about the same size.  There are some growths in my right lung but Lisa does not think they are cancerous.  The scan showed that I had a severe chest infection (for which I took antibiotics for two weeks).  This is very good news and above the norm for people with my cancer situation.  I am very grateful.

Lisa explained that my feeling more moody and down during this intensive chemo is normal.  People are usually numbed when they first find out about their cancer and the first intensive round is just accepted.  After a long period with no chemo like I had it is very normal to find adjusting to intensive chemo again hard.

I know my reaction is purely psychological, as I have felt physically better during this intensive chemo than the first round in 2011-2.  Feeling completely normal for most of 2013 and then the huge downshift in late 2013 and early 2014 including a stoma operation is a big change.  I guess I am still coping with the extent of the change.

The intensive chemo will continue for at least four more rounds and longer while we still achieve reduction in the cancer.  Lisa explained that most people only have reductions in the first two months.  My continued reductions are unusual and most welcome.  Lisa wants to continue the heavy chemo for as long as it gives more reductions.  Then she spoke of another time of no treatment until the cancer starts growing again.

Barbara and I are thrilled that there will be another period of no chemo.  Travelling in Europe in 2014 is already on my mind.  Being in Uganda in November is looking very promising.  Barbara will be going to the US again in November to see her Mom and family.

Moodiness

My being more moody this year continues.  At times I am a grumpy old man.  At times I feel lethargic, not wanting to do much.  Doing up to three things in a day is about as much as I can cope with.  Being in crowds is unsettling.  Today being reassured that this moodiness is normal for someone in their second round of intensive chemo was very comforting.  I am hoping it helps me move past being so moody.

I appreciate family and friends putting up with me being more emotional.  In fact, today, after being given such good news I felt teary.  We had a cappuccino and I had a samosa in the Chris O’Brien Lighthouse cancer centre before we walked home.  Just felt I needed the time.

Sickness

This year we have experienced members of our wider family and friends suffering from old age and serious illnesses.  Respecting people’s privacy I do not want to be too specific.  But it has been very sad to see family and friends suffering like this.  It adds to my moodiness.  Family and friends have to come to terms with coping with these difficulties.  In some families it is more than one family member who has been seriously ill.  At times like these it is wonderful to have love and support from family and friends.

Three Score Years and Ten

This year I have felt old before my time.  Statistically I will not live till I’m 70 but I would love to do so (as long as it is quality life).  So I have been reflecting a lot on my life.  I might include some of those reflections in future blog entries.

One reflection I want to include now.  Our eldest turned 35 on 24 June – half way to three score years and ten.  Our children are halfway to 70.  I hope they will make the most of the next 20 or so years as my experience is their coming 20 years are key to what they make of their lives.

I fervently want them at 70 to be able to look back on their lives and feel they have done well.  In saying this, financial comfort is but one aspect.  Barbara and I are unbelievably blessed with a close loving family including our in-laws.  There is no substitution for this.

I can look back on a work life that has been rewarding in many ways – type of work, friends made, quality people I have worked with, travel and experience.  Work is such a big part of life that it is wonderful when it is meaningful at least to some degree.

Barbara and I have good friends of 40, 30 and 20 years.  Friends found through Barbara coming to Australia in 1972, The Glebe Christian Youth Club in 1970s, Petersham Baptist Church in the 1980s, fellow parents of school aged children, many professional colleagues in my work, our children’s friends becoming our friends too.

Thus, I am hoping that my children will be able to look back on many good things when they are 70.

Being Comfortable

Growing old we are deteriorating physically and sometimes mentally.  We are past our peak.  Life is getting more difficult.  This is normal.  So, how do we cope with this?  I have decided the key is being comfortable.  I think this usually involves making some significant decisions, which old people find difficult to make.  Too many leave it too late and others make the decisions for them.  I am distressed when I see this.  Power over our lives is reduced or gone.

So, my reflection and thinking is that we need to make these significant decisions by our mid to late 70s to get the best results.  One of my goals is that I do not want to be a burden on Barbara or my children.  I think a lot of parents feel this way but do we act on it?  In Australia we have an aged care system that provides a pathway to achieve this, being: self-care accommodation into hostel into nursing home care, often found in the one facility.  I think choosing this pathway offers the opportunity for new friendships and comfortable living, particularly in the self-care accommodation stage.

I have seen some friends that have made their lives comfortable by taking these decisions while they are still in good health.  I have seen family and friends who have not made such a decision and I think they have left themselves more vulnerable and uncomfortable.  I am unlikely to live to be in this situation while Barbara probably is.  I hope Barbara will make decisions that work well for her.

Moving Forward

I think this is enough sermonising and reflection for this blog entry.  Time to be off to lunch with one of my professional colleagues; tomorrow morning breakfast; Saturday our annual Christmas in July with family and friends.  Tuesday begins my tenth round of intensive chemo.  Friday week to Mudgee with Lesley and Stephen.  Two weeks today to WorldMark, Kirra Beach Gold Coast to relax and see friends.  Then the eleventh chemo round.