Today Dr Lisa Horvath was effusive and confident when she told
Barbara and I what Monday’s CT scan shows.
Over the nine chemotherapy rounds to date, the new cancers in the liver
have reduced by almost 50 per cent. There
is even some reduction in the original liver cancers. The two bowel tumours remain about the same
size. There are some growths in my right
lung but Lisa does not think they are cancerous. The scan showed that I had a severe chest
infection (for which I took antibiotics for two weeks). This is very good news and above the norm for
people with my cancer situation. I am
very grateful.
Lisa explained that my feeling more moody and down during this
intensive chemo is normal. People are
usually numbed when they first find out about their cancer and the first
intensive round is just accepted. After
a long period with no chemo like I had it is very normal to find adjusting to
intensive chemo again hard.
I know my reaction is purely psychological, as I have felt
physically better during this intensive chemo than the first round in
2011-2. Feeling completely normal for
most of 2013 and then the huge downshift in late 2013 and early 2014 including
a stoma operation is a big change. I
guess I am still coping with the extent of the change.
The intensive chemo will continue for at least four more rounds
and longer while we still achieve reduction in the cancer. Lisa explained that most people only have
reductions in the first two months. My
continued reductions are unusual and most welcome. Lisa wants to continue the heavy chemo for as
long as it gives more reductions. Then
she spoke of another time of no treatment until the cancer starts growing
again.
Barbara and I are thrilled that there will be another period of
no chemo. Travelling in Europe in 2014
is already on my mind. Being in Uganda
in November is looking very promising.
Barbara will be going to the US again in November to see her Mom and
family.
Moodiness
My being more moody this year continues. At times I am a grumpy old man. At times I feel lethargic, not wanting to do
much. Doing up to three things in a day
is about as much as I can cope with.
Being in crowds is unsettling.
Today being reassured that this moodiness is normal for someone in their
second round of intensive chemo was very comforting. I am hoping it helps me move past being so
moody.
I appreciate family and friends putting up with me being more
emotional. In fact, today, after being
given such good news I felt teary. We
had a cappuccino and I had a samosa in the Chris O’Brien Lighthouse cancer
centre before we walked home. Just felt
I needed the time.
Sickness
This year we have experienced members of our wider family and
friends suffering from old age and serious illnesses. Respecting people’s privacy I do not want to
be too specific. But it has been very
sad to see family and friends suffering like this. It adds to my moodiness. Family and friends have to come to terms with
coping with these difficulties. In some
families it is more than one family member who has been seriously ill. At times like these it is wonderful to have
love and support from family and friends.
Three Score Years and Ten
This year I have felt old before my time. Statistically I will not live till I’m 70 but
I would love to do so (as long as it is quality life). So I have been reflecting a lot on my
life. I might include some of those
reflections in future blog entries.
One reflection I want to include now. Our eldest turned 35 on 24 June – half way to three
score years and ten. Our children are halfway to 70. I hope they will make the most of the next 20
or so years as my experience is their coming 20 years are key to what they make
of their lives.
I fervently want them at 70 to be able to look back on their
lives and feel they have done well. In
saying this, financial comfort is but one aspect. Barbara and I are unbelievably blessed with a
close loving family including our in-laws.
There is no substitution for this.
I can look back on a work life that has been rewarding in many
ways – type of work, friends made, quality people I have worked with, travel
and experience. Work is such a big part
of life that it is wonderful when it is meaningful at least to some degree.
Barbara and I have good friends of 40, 30 and 20 years. Friends found through Barbara coming to
Australia in 1972, The Glebe Christian Youth Club in 1970s, Petersham Baptist
Church in the 1980s, fellow parents of school aged children, many professional
colleagues in my work, our children’s friends becoming our friends too.
Thus, I am hoping that my children will be able to look back on
many good things when they are 70.
Being Comfortable
Growing old we are deteriorating physically and sometimes
mentally. We are past our peak. Life is getting more difficult. This is normal. So, how do we cope with this? I have decided the key is being comfortable. I think this usually involves making some
significant decisions, which old people find difficult to make. Too many leave it too late and others make
the decisions for them. I am distressed
when I see this. Power over our lives is
reduced or gone.
So, my reflection and thinking is that we need to make these
significant decisions by our mid to late 70s to get the best results. One of my goals is that I do not want to be a
burden on Barbara or my children. I
think a lot of parents feel this way but do we act on it? In Australia we have an aged care system that
provides a pathway to achieve this, being: self-care accommodation into hostel
into nursing home care, often found in the one facility. I think choosing this pathway offers the
opportunity for new friendships and comfortable living, particularly in the
self-care accommodation stage.
I have seen some friends that have made their lives comfortable
by taking these decisions while they are still in good health. I have seen family and friends who have not
made such a decision and I think they have left themselves more vulnerable and
uncomfortable. I am unlikely to live to be
in this situation while Barbara probably is.
I hope Barbara will make decisions that work well for her.
Moving Forward
I think this is enough sermonising and reflection for this blog
entry. Time to be off to lunch with one
of my professional colleagues; tomorrow morning breakfast; Saturday our annual
Christmas in July with family and friends. Tuesday begins my tenth round
of intensive chemo. Friday week to Mudgee with Lesley and Stephen. Two weeks today to WorldMark, Kirra Beach Gold Coast to relax and see friends. Then the eleventh chemo round.
