Positive - Negative - Positive

Two months since my last blog update – whoops – sorry!  Let's start with Christmas photos from Coffs Harbour and Glebe:

Christmas dessert in Coffs Harbour

Christmas Brunch at Club 55

While enjoying activities with family and friends around Christmas and new year, I spent three weeks in a negative frame of mind about my chemo and cancer situation.  It’s taken me a while to work out what to write.

Three week slump

I mentioned in the Christmas newsletter that I was having difficulty coping with ‘maintenance’ chemo.  I had interpreted the term ‘maintenance chemo’ to mean it would be occasional but it is fortnightly.  In our family time the week before Christmas in Coffs Harbour, our family talked seriously about my feelings towards the maintenance chemo and my cancer situation.  It was good to be able to discuss it but I over-reacted to my four offspring providing suggestions and expressing their views.  The combination of my feelings about maintenance chemo and over-reaction led to my negative disposition.

I felt very angry when receiving my chemo between Christmas and new year.  I did not like being in a negative frame of mind but could not turn my thoughts around.  I am grateful to friends and family members who listened to my verbal diarrhoea during this time.  Indeed, I have appreciated listening ears along my journey with cancer.  It really helps me cope and keep on the positive.

My turning point came on the middle weekend in January.  Friday 13 we had a family dinner at a restaurant.  One of my in-laws remarked about my having difficulty with the maintenance chemo.  I was surprised, but having re-read my Christmas newsletter, I see I talked about this.  Saturday, a cousin rang with the same concern and spent half an hour or so sharing from her own experiences.  Sunday, a conversation helped me put our Coffs Harbour conversations into perspective.  Monday, my daughter accompanied me to the consultation with Dr Lisa.  Lisa said my blood tests showed my liver function was normal and provided a framework in which to think about the maintenance chemo.  Lisa told us, I was doing everything right – eating well, keeping active and planning for the future.

The framework Lisa provided was that she is unable to say whether or not maintenance chemo helps and expects this to always be the case.  You cannot ask people who have undertaken six months intensive chemo to then opt to either be in the control or experimental group.  Thus, you cannot test whether maintenance chemo keeps the cancer stable.  Lisa’s approach is to keep patients who have tolerated chemotherapy well on maintenance chemo.  She watches for adverse reaction and takes patients off maintenance chemo when it is harming them.  At my consultation with Lisa before Christmas I told her I had stopped the tablets and thought she was concerned I had done this without consulting with her.  She explained she was concerned that the tablets had so affected me. 

We left the consultation feeling uplifted.  While sharing coffee and hot chocolate in one of the hospital cafes later, we agreed that knowing the framework is very helpful and my health situation is good.  In my negative frame of mind, I had worried if the cancer was growing again.  I do not usually think about such things as such thoughts are unhelpful.

So, these four conversations from Friday to Monday provided the impetus I needed to return to a positive state of mind, which I find much easier to live in and enjoy my life.

In Coffs Harbour, my family requested me to do two things: have more fruit and vegetables and less cheese and alcohol; and one of them come with me each time I see Dr Lisa.  I agreed and am doing both.  So far two of my children have come with me to see Dr Lisa.  I have found this very worthwhile and I have enjoyed debriefing in the hospital café after the consultation.

Two busy weeks

So, now I am back in positive territory and life is much better.  I still enjoyed Christmas and new year but it was muted by my negativity.  To give you an idea about the benefit of a positive approach and the overall good health I am experiencing, here is a summary of the first fortnight in February:

• Tuesday January 31 Barbara and I met with two builders to seek quotes on renovating the laundry and I had chemo in the afternoon
• Wednesday, while on my bottle chemo, facilitated the financial modules of the Company Directors course, receiving ratings of 4.7 and 4.8 (out of 5)
• Thursday, had coffee with a friend, Barbara and I accepted quote from builder Andy, had chemo bottle removed at hospital and began dismantling my built-in cupboard in the laundry
• Friday, finished as much dismantling as I could and took shelving out of shed attached to laundry and removed and repacked items from laundry and shed into second lounge room and back shed
• Saturday, Barbara and I flew to Adelaide for a long weekend, spending afternoon driving and walking along beaches and then stayed with my second cousin
• Sunday into the Adelaide Hills including a German sausage lunch at Handorf and then Littlehampton to Grace’s for her naming ceremony

Grace with celebrant talking about her new first name

At dinner in Handorf with Grace

• Monday, breakfast with friend David from old Arthur Young days and  meeting with a fellow Company Directors facilitator to discuss writing the financial part of a new case study, visiting Mount Lofty in the afternoon and to dinner at night with my second cousin

Mount Lofty, highest peak in South Australia

• Tuesday returning to Sydney, including buying new carry on luggage at Adelaide airport
• Wednesday going for MRI scan, builder Andy begins laundry renovations and Barbara and I spend afternoon choosing and buying new laundry appliances
• Thursday lunch with former client Ken and then shopping and choosing tiles with Barbara in the afternoon
• Friday, catching up on administration matters
• Saturday with Barbara, breakfast out and afternoon shopping for plumbing fixtures and dinner out and a great concert in the city in the evening
• Sunday, a quiet day
• Monday, Dr Lisa with Will and into another three day round of chemo

Cancer remains dormant

Monday morning 13 February, my youngest son and I met with a new registrar and Dr Lisa Horvath.  The MRI report showed there is no evidence of cancer in the lymph nodes.  This reduces the likelihood of the cancer spreading to other organs as the lymphatic system is the main way it usually spreads.  The MRI report also showed that of the two main lesions being monitored; one remains the same and the other is reducing slightly.  My blood test results showed that all items being measured are normal, which is great news about the liver, in particular.

Thus, we enjoyed morning tea in the hospital café celebrating the good news.

The day at the hospital was frustrating as I did not receive the chemo until early afternoon.  The registrar had put my file in the ‘return to filing’ tray.  This meant that the pharmacy did not receive notification to prepare the chemo until one of the chemotherapy nurses went and found the file. 

Tuesday, I felt seedy and slept in the afternoon.  This afternoon I am looking forward to the chemo bottle being removed and tonight going to a another concert in the city with Barbara. 

The laundry renovations are well underway.  When finished the cats, Muggles and Buttons, will have a top quality bedroom and we will have a second bathroom!